Refuse To Sink
by TinyDancer-InTheRain
Summary: Claire's parents took her away from La Push when she was five. She's back and blames Quil for everything and wants nothing to do with him. Everyone is trying to keep it a secret from Quil but its all out of the bag when Claire and Quil run into each other. Meanwhile Claire's big secret is tearing her apart on the inside, and Quil is running out of time to fix things with Claire.
1. Going Back

**Refuse To Sink**

_~ Claire and Quil's Story ~_

**Chapter 1. Going Back**

I don't want to go back, I don't want to face my pain, I don't want to know the reasons he never looked for me, because even though I already know in my mind and in my heart, I couldn't bear it if those words came from him. I don't want to answer all the questions, I don't want to fake a smile and pretend I'm okay and that everything is great, because the pain is already unbearable and I don't know if I'm strong enough any more to fake a smile even if I wanted to. I don't want to have to lie to the people who once used to be my family, just to hide a secret from them. Even more so, I don't want them to find out about my secret or what happened. But the biggest reason of all that I don't want to go back is, one bad thing after another, one tragedy after another keeps happening to me, and I feel like I'm not even getting the chance to breathe before the next one strikes. I feel like I'm a vase that's been broken and put back together again, and every time I take a step, every time I'm hurt again, every time the horrible images are replayed over again in my nightmares, so real I feel like I'm right there. I feel like I'm hanging over the edge of a cliff, and my fingers are slipping, the wind is blowing, and my strength is weakening and at any point I could fall, and I feel like if one more thing happens, such as seeing his face, I'll be that vase, shattering into microscopic pieces, and no one will be able to put me back together again.

There wasn't a moment that went by that I didn't feel the pain weighing on my heart, but what I needed was to start fresh, some new scenery, to be with family, and be somewhere that didn't remind me everywhere I go of my pain, that didn't have people always apologizing, or stopping their selves from saying anything around me because they're afraid they might forget, and say something wrong. The only place I could go at sixteen, the only other place where I had people that loved me, and would treat me like a real person, was the place I was most scared to go, the place that held all my childhood memories, the place I was forced away from, the people I loved and that loved me that were ripped out of my life, the place that held unfinished business, pain I needed to let go of, and the one person I hoped I'd never have to face. Quil. So now my bags were packed, and I was on my way to La Push, Washington, with every fiber in my being telling me this is a bad idea. But I didn't allow myself the chance to change my mind. I made my decision and it was to late now.

* * *

The weather was bad, I couldn't see through the rain that was pouring down so hard, and so fast I thought it might break the windshield. The thunder was so loud I could feel it, and there was red and blue lightening striking sideways above me somewhere, in the sky that was no longer visible. It was evening, and I knew the sun was starting to go down behind the clouds, even though I couldn't see it. The windshield wipers were not fast enough for the rain, and I was leaning forward, my hands like a death grip on the steering wheel, trying stay even with the car in front of me because all I could see through the rain was the lightening, the tail lights of only the car that was right in front of me, and the flash red and blue lights that appeared beside me at what seemed like every three minutes. My heart was beating fast, and my hands were sticking to the leather steering wheel partially because of my death grip on it, and partially because my hands were sweating buckets. And I know I probably sound completely insane, but at the moment I was sort of thankful for the weather because it was the first time in what felt like forever, that I wasn't in pain.

I couldn't see the road signs or the exits, let alone _which _exit it was, and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to get off this highway, or have to keep driving in this sketchy weather. "Damn it! This is just my fucking luck!" I yelled to myself, before prying one of my hands of the wheel to reach for my phone. I pressed to send button twice to recall the last person I'd been talking to. Aunt Emily.

Aunt Emily was the one person from La Push that I kept in touch with. She called me once a week when my dad wasn't home, and once I got a phone, we talked almost everyday. She sent me birthday cards, and holiday cards since she wasn't able to fly out here for the holidays because she had a family, and people to feed, but every time my dad went on a business trip she'd get a plane to come visit my mother and I. Besides Emily the only other person around there that kept in touch with was Renesmee Cullen. She's been my best friend ever since we were little, and I still lived in La Push. She's only two years older than me. Most people wouldn't believe it, but because I used to live in a world with werewolves, Renesmee is a half vampire. Yeah, werewolves, and vampires. My uncle Sam is the alpha of a pack of werewolves, or shape shifters I should say. it's a legend of our Quileute tribe that actually turned out to be true. All the guys in La Push, who I consider my family, and my brothers, they are werewolves. In fact, Renesmee is an imprint of a werewolf. Jacob Black. He's also an alpha, he and Sam decided to co exist, and work together to protect La Push, but be the alpha of their own pack. But it didn't matter what pack you were in, everyone was still family, and they often would act as one pack, with Jacob and Sam leading together. Renesmee talk to Jacob and I'm going to stay with him, because I don't quite have the guts to stay in a house of vampires even though I know there harmless, plus Sam and Emily would probably not be okay with that, nor could I take the chance of staying with Aunt Emily and Uncle Sam since both packs are usually over there, and that would include Quil Ateara.

I called aunt Emily to tell her where I was, about the weather and ask her what to do and where to go. She helped me find my way into La Push, and my GPS could take care of the rest. She said since the storm was so bad, and the packs were over at her house stuffing their faces like usual(meaning Quil was there), that I should go straight to Jakes and some way or another she'd see me tomorrow. So as soon as I hung up with her I called Jacob's number which Renesmee had given me. I didn't mind Jacob, actually we've been kind of close since he always followed Renesmee when she'd make her secret trips to see me. She came a lot, and Jacob came as much as he could considering hes the alpha and has to be on patrol, but they always went back the same day since they have supernatural vampy and wolfy powers, or whatever the hell you'd like to call them. So No one was really ever suspicious. Renesmee's parents knew she and Jacob came on little daytrips to see me often, but they didn't mind. Emily also knew, we couldn't keep something like that from her, but she kept the secret even though I knew it was extremely hard and painfully to keep something like this from Sam, especially because she was an imprint. But I often regretted them coming to see me, even though I don't know what I would've done if they hadn't. Its just when Jacob, and all the other guys for that matter, phase, they can read each others minds when they are wolfs, I guess you can say. And its extremely hard for Jacob to block his thoughts of when he and Renesmee come to see me from his pack, let alone Quil who is the most important person to keep it from. He can never find out. But now Jacob won't have to keep that secret from the pack, and Emily won't have to keep it from Sam, because the whole pack, including Emily and Renesmee are going to have to keep an even bigger secret, and not from each other, but from Quil. Everyone will know I'm here eventually, even though Sam, Emily, Jacob, Jacob's dad, and Renesmee are the only ones that know right now, the pack will find out, and that I'm actually excited about because I can't wait to see them. I'm not dumb or in denial though, I know Quil will probably find out, but everyone is going to have to do their best to keep the secret that I'm back in La Push from Quil as long as everyone possibly can.

There's a missing piece to this story, and it's the most important piece of the puzzle. The reason I don't want to see Quil, the reason Jacob has had to hide that he and Renesmee would come and visit me, and the reason no one can find out I'm here yet, and the reason its so important that when they do find out that everyone keeps it a secret from him is because I'm part of the packs. Not I'm not one of the wolves, that wouldn't be possible not because I'm a girl, there's like five or something girls in the packs that are werewolves but because I'm only half Quileute. Yes I have brown eyes like all of them, but my skin is only dark because I spend as much time as possibly at the beach, and its always been naturally kind of dark, and I have blonde hair that reaches only halfway down my back instead of brown hair to my butt like most the girls. And I'm not part of the pack because I'm Jacob and Renesmee's friend or because I'm Sam and Emily's niece, but because when anyone of us says pack, we are not just referring to the wolves pack means the whole family which means the imprints too. What I'm getting at is that I'm like Emily, and Renesmee, and Kim and Rebecca, and the rest of the girls, but in a different way, I'm more like Renesmee, Jacob imprinted on her when she was born, and had to wait till she grew up to be with her like the other imprints, if that's what she wanted, but before that he was always a babysitter or a brother, or a best friend, now they're just like the other imprints. Renesmee and I and rare, but my story happens to be the rarest because it's the one that doesn't have a happy ending. I am an Imprint. Just like the other girls, much more like Renesmee because I was imprinted on when I was only two years old. That was as rare as we thought it could get, considering imprinting was rare within itself. But my imprint wasn't my baby sitter and brother and best friend until I was old enough to be more with him like the regular imprints. My parents took me from here when I was five because my dad found out and freaked out. Its hard to believe I'm even an imprint sometimes because its supposed to mean I'm his soul mate, that he'd do anything and everything for me just to make me happy, and when I left, he told me he'd come, and he would get me, and bring me back. He promised me. And because I was his imprint I believed him, every one of the guys that imprinted would do that if their imprintee was taken from them, hell they'd put a stop to it and wouldn't allow them to be taken away in the first place. But mine didn't. He didn't stop them from taking me, he didn't come after us, or come look for me and bring me back like he promised. I never saw him again. And everything that happened to me was his fault. I, Claire Young am an imprint.

Quil Ateara's imprint.

* * *

My heart had started beating like the wings of a humming bird the second I passed the "Welcome To La Push" sign, but now I was almost to Jacob's and it was started to get ridiculous. I know Jacob, I've seen Jacob, and I know Renesmee will be here, but maybe it's the fact I could be seen at any moment, and any one of the guys could see me. Or maybe because Jacob's dad Billy black, and his sister Rebecca would be here.

Finally got to Jacob's house and turned the car of. I jumped out and ran onto the porch as quickly as I could. The storm hadn't let up at all. I locked the car from the porch, waiting for the beep before I was about to ring the door bell. As if on cue the door opened before I had the chance to ring the bell, and Jacob and Renesmee stood there smiling. I should have known they'd do that, they always do. They can here me coming from miles away.

"Hey we thought you'd never get here!" Renesmee said, pulling me inside to give me a hug.

I heard Jacob's deep, husky laugh, come from beside us. "Yeah, she was pretty dead set on you having died in the storm, even though you **just** called me."

I let put a laugh I tried to fake as sincerely as possible as Jacob pulled me into his warming hug. "Sounds just like her."

"Well if isn't Claire Young in the flesh?" Billy Black chuckled, as he rolled his wheel chair between Jacob and Renesmee to get to me.

I smiled and bent down to hug him. "Its me. Nice to see you again Billy, its been too long." I was only five when I left, but to this day I can count off on my fingers every single person I knew from La Push. It must have been my stubbornness that made me determined enough to memorize everyone, so that I'd never forget….just in case there was the slightest chance that Quil was going to keep his promise, and come find me.

Jacob's tall, beautiful sister, who had curly black hair to her shoulders, smiled invitingly and walked over to hug me to, which kind of surprised me. "You probably don't remember me, but I remember you. I'm glad you're back Claire."

I smiled. "Of course I remember you Rebecca. I don't think I could forget any of you if I tried. But thank you. I'm glad I'm back too." I didn't exactly sound very confident when I said that last part. And I honestly don't know if I'm glad or not either.

We unloaded-make that Jacob unloaded my things from the car and set me up in his room, which I initially refused at first, but ended up caving when all four of them kept insisting. He said he and Renesmee would sleep on the pull out couch.

Jacob was hungry like always, and I hadn't eaten dinner yet so we went to the kitchen, and talked while Jacob and I sat at the table eating leftovers. We'd been talking for at least forty-five minutes, and Jacob and I were long sense done eating, but we having fun catching up, or rather getting to know each other since I'm not the same five year old I was last time Billy and Rebecca saw me. I talk to Jacob and Renesmee all the time so we are pretty caught up with each other already, but they were enjoying listening. We were all so caught up in our conversation, we'd forgotten to keep watch on the door because anyone could come in at any moment, especially because Jacob was the alpha, and Rachel was an imprint. I knew it was risky to stay with Jacob but it was better and safer than staying with the Cullen's or Emily.

Anyways, we the kitchen door opened and we all froze. One of the wolves walked in, not realizing we were there and went to open the refrigerator. I was guessing it was Paul because it looked like him, Renesmee and Jacob had sent me pictures of the pack plenty of times for me to recognize who they were by now, even though I could remember their names, after so many years, you just can't hang on to their image, it fades away.

"Rachel!" He called but saw her as soon as he called out her name, and stood up, closing the fridge before closing the distance between the two of them, and pulling her into his arms to kiss her. Billy cleared his throat, and suddenly the realization dawned on Paul that there were other people in this room. If the realization that I was screwed hadn't also just hit me, then I probably would've laughed at how oblivious Paul was.

I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. Why didn't I duck down and hide behind Jacob and the counter, or ran to hide in the closet while Paul was in a trance, kissing Rachel. I'd miss all my opportunities, and now I was really screwed.

Paul let go of Rachel and took a step back. He looked at Jacob and finally his eyes fell on me. I felt like they were burning through my skin. Seconds went by and there was only silence. I felt built up enough courage to look at him and could see he was completely shocked. His mouth was hanging open, his eyes were wide, he was frozen like stone, and I'm not sure, but I think someone really should check if he's breathing or not. _This is it_, I thought. My secret is out and at any second Paul could turn around, run out that door and tell Quil, meaning this would only be the beginning, and the storm outside wasn't as scary as Quil finding out I was here. This is it.

"Holy. _Shit_." was all he said, making me jump.

* * *

**Did you like it? Hate it? Let me know by reviewing. Working on the next chapter, do you want me to post it? Everyone finds out tomorrow that Claire is back, but does that mean Quil does to? Thank you for reading! Please, please review, and as I posted on my other stories and my profile I need a Beta reader!**

**~ Tiny Dancer In The Rain**


	2. Anywhere But Here

_~ Claire and Quil's Story ~_

**Chapter 2. Anywhere but here**

"Claire?" Paul whispered, collecting himself but still not moving. His eyes were squinted and it looked as if he was trying to figure out if it was really me or not.

I nodded.

I moved around Jacob and stood in front of Paul. He took a step forward and poked me as if I might be a ghost or something. I couldn't help but laugh, it was quite comical.

"Its me." I said, and it looked like it finally started to sink in.

It took be by surprise when all the sudden I was lift off my feet, and Paul had me in a bear hug. "God," he sighed in relief, "I can't believe its you, I can't believe you're here. They finally let you out of the dungeon or something?" He asked, setting me on my feet.

I laughed. "Nope. I came here because I need a fresh start, and well…I missed you guys. I've heard a lot about everyone from Jacob and Renesmee, so I feel like I already know you guys so well. This is where my family is, and I've always waited for the day I could come back."

Billy smiled. "We've been waiting a long time for that day too. We are just glad you're finally here now."

"Wow! Damn, I can't believe this! Does everyone know?" Paul asked.

I hesitated, and shook my head. "No. Only you guys, and Emily and Sam. Please don't tell anyone I'm here Paul, I'm trying to keep it a secret."

"Why? You want to surprise everyone or something?" He wouldn't let it go.

"Not exactly, …though your face was pretty priceless!" I laughed.

"Hey short stuff, guess what this mean? I have another little sister to pick on." He grinned evilly. I rolled my eyes.

Paul frowned and held up a finger. "Wait," he paused, "Does Quil know?"

Just his name made me cringe. "No, and I'd like to keep it that way. Please, I don't care if anyone else finds out, I just don't want Quil to know. Please Paul, don't tell him I'm here."

Paul was chewing on a roll now with a very serious and curious face. "But I don't get it. Shouldn't you want him to be the first to find out, isn't that why you're here, for Quil?"

"Lets get this straight. Quil Ateara is nothing to me, I want nothing to do with him, I don't want to see him or talk to him, I do not want him to know I'm here, and none of you sure as hell are going to tell him!" I told them before going to Jacobs room and shutting the door to get ready for bed. Hearing Quil's name, and Paul thinking I was here for him, and having to tell them over and over again not to tell sent me over the edge. I got ready for bed, climbed under the cover, and welcomed unconsciousness.

I didn't care if it wasn't real, it felt like it was real, and if she was breathing, and I wasn't in pain, then why did I have to wake up. Why? Its just my fucking luck. I was staring at her, admiring her, I was back in my perfect moment before everything went so wrong, I was content, and I was in my happy place, asleep. Unfortunately that I was woken up and forced to face the truth.

I sat up, my eyes wide, looking around, frantically for her. She was with me just a second ago and now she was gone. Tears star to fill my eyes, and roll down my cheeks as my heart started to beat fast and I began to tremble. I didn't know where I was, I was in a different place, a different room. A bedroom? And I didn't know where she was, I could remember what happened, she was just here.

Someone was sitting on my bed in front of me and they put their hands on my shoulder. "Shh, its okay. Calm down Claire, it was just a dream." I realized it was Jacob in front of me, and talking to me, all my memories from last night came flooding back, and I remembered I was in his room. I also remembered my nightmare was real, she was gone, forever."

"Its not okay! If its not real, why can't I just pretend it is, why can't I just sleep forever. Why do I have to go to sleep every night and have the same dream, then be forced to wake up, and have my heart smashed into little pieces? Its so real. Its like I have to relieve it over and over again. I can't take it anymore!" I cried. I felt like I wasn't myself right now, or like this was real. I feel like my dream was real, and I'm living my nightmare.

"She didn't deserve it, you didn't deserve it, hell you didn't deserve any of this. But I can't change it and no matter how many times I say I'm sorry they wont mean anything to you and they wont make things better. But if it helps at all, I used to feel just like you after my mom died, and I know you wont believe me but it gets better. And Renesmee and I are always here for you."

He was right, it didn't help, and I didn't believe him, but it made me feel better to here him say they were always here for me, even though I already knew that. I wiped my cheeks and continued to apologize over and over to him as we got out breakfast.

"Where's Renesmee," I asked, "And everyone else for that matter?"

"Dad is over at Renesmee's grandfather's house, Charlie Swan, the police chief of forks? Renesmee and I told you a lot about him. Anyways they've always been good friends so he's over there. Rachel is hanging out with Paul before he has to go on patrol, and Renesmee will be back in a little while, she just had to go home. But we have a big problem…." Jacob trailed off, adverting his eyes from me and looking down at his cereal.

I started to panic. "Should I go pack my things?"

Jacob shook his head. "No, Quil doesn't know…yet, at least."

I sighed in relief but the panic quickly came back. "If not that, than what is so bad?"

Jacob still wasn't looking at me. "Well Paul tried but one of the other wolves heard him, and found out you were here. Now the whole pack and all the imprints know. Everyone except Quil. And there's young kids in the pack, ones who don't know you, and aren't able to control there thoughts, and…" He trailed off again.

"And what?" I pressed, nervous and angry.

"I'd say it's a matter of time before he finds out, maybe minute, but my guess is you don't have much time, you're probably better off telling him yourself, otherwise I don't know what he will do."

I got up from the table and started walking towards Jacob's room. "I knew this was a bad idea, I have to leave, I should've never come here. This was a really bad idea."

Jacob scurried up and grabbed my shoulder. "Claire please, it will kill Emily and Sam if you leave. The guys haven't seen you in years, please, we already lost you once…"

"Fine. I will go find him. I will tell him I'm here. And will tell him he better stay as far away from me as possible or I damn sure will be gone in a heartbeat." I growled and walked out the front door, slamming it behind me.

I heard the front door open again as I stomped to my car. "He's going to Emily's after he gets off patrol with the guys, go there." Jacob called from behind me. I gave him a mocking salute and got in my car. I needed to see Emily anyways.

The storm had come and gone, but the sun was still hidden behind the clouds. It was foggy and humid in a suffocating way. My hands had a death grip on the steering wheel again but not because I was scared or nervous but because I was so angry. I felt like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode or a volcano on the verge of erupting.

I pulled into Emily's driveway and barely had the keys out of the ignition before I got out of the car. I slammed the door, and knew that they'd know I was here.

I walked in and it was filled with people. Everyone turned silent and looked at me. "Where is Quil?" I yelled. They all looked shocked. "Damn it, you already knew I was here, now tell me where the hell Quil Ateara is!"

No one said a word, but all the guys blocking my view to the kitchen stepped aside, leaving me a clear view of the person I was here to see. I saw his broken glass shattered on the floor in a puddle of water. I could see he was frozen still. His mouth hung open, and I was going to scream and yell at him, and tell him everything I told Jacob I was going to tell him, that is until I looked into his eyes. Nothing had prepared me for this.

I felt like someone was poking holes in my chest and I couldn't breathe. My legs were numb and I couldn't feel them but I knew I was about to fall to the floor. My arms were shaking and my heart was beat faster than ever before. My eyes filled with tears and poured down my checks. I turned on my heels as quickly as I could. Still filled with anger but too weak to express it. I braces myself against the wall of the house outside, and fell to the ground, trying to catch my breath.

I heard the door close and looked up. He stood in front of me, shocked with his mouth open, just like before, just like Paul and just like everyone else. I was a fool, and I knew I was making the same mistake. I looked into Quil's eyes, they were filled with tear too. But whatever was about to happen, whatever we were about to say to each…was only going to bring more of those.

He opened his mouth, and I closed my eyes, wishing I was anywhere but here.

* * *

**Sorry this one was a little bit shorter. Hope you liked how Quil found out, thinking the next chapter will be in his POV. What do you think? Please REVIEW! -TD**


	3. Worth It

_~ Claire and Quil's Story ~_

**Chapter 3. Worth It**

In the back of my mind, I knew all the wolves inside would be able to hear us perfectly, but I honestly didn't even care.

"Claire?"

He whispered as if he was trying to figure out if I was real or not. Kind of like Paul did when he poked me. I could hear his feet on the gravel as he stepped closer to me. My eyes were still closed and I held up my hand to stop him, I don't think I could handle hearing those from him. Those explanations I already knew in my heart.

"Stop Quil."

I wiped my eyes and stood up, still leaning against the wall for support. "Just stop!"

I felt my anger come back, along with a whole new rush of adrenaline. I felt like a pregnant woman loaded with hormones. One second I was sad, weak, and ready to crumble. The next I was pissed and full of adrenaline, ready for a fist fight. I guess that's the effect imprinting has on you.

"I-I don't know what to say." He stuttered, trying to find the right words.

"That's _exactly_ why I came here. I don't want you to say anything to me, ever again. I don't want you to be around me, if you see me coming then go the other way. I don't want you to talk to me, I don't want to see you or hear you, not even the mention of your name. I want to have nothing to do with you ever again Quil Ateara." I was getting a worked up.

"Claire I thought-"

I cut him off.

"You thought I came looking for you, you thought I'm here to make things all peachy between us and then we'll live happily ever after? Guess what: you thought wrong. You ruined any chance of us ever being okay again when you broke your promise."

"Claire," he said sadly, almost whispering. "I only did it because I wanted to do what was best for you. I never wanted to hurt you.".

"What's best for _me_? How is that what's best for me? I waited every night for you to come back, I left my window open until I was thirteen, still thinking that there could be the slightest chance."

"I'm sorry Claire, Everyday I try and convince myself that I did what's right, but every day I hurt knowing I'd let you slip away and-"

"You're telling me about how much you were hurting?" I said slowly, cutting him off again. My voice was filling with more anger with every word I said, my eyes once again filling with tears.

"It's all your fault to begin with! It's your fault all those bad things happened, it's your fault they hurt me, and it's your fault she was taken away from me. Everything happened because of you. You're the reason I'm in pain so don't you even dare to start to compare your pain to mine."

Tears rolled down his cheeks and I forced myself not to give in.

"I'm sorry Claire, I'm so sorry. All I ever wanted was for you to be safe. I'm sorry I never stopped them from taking you, I'm sorry I never came after you like I promised, and I'm sorry I am the reason for all of your pain. I wish I could take it all back, and I wish I could take away all your pain. I wish I could make things better."

I was crying now. I shook my head.

"You can't Quil," I tried to say it angrily but instead it came out so soft, like the whisper of a little girl.

" Its too late. Its too late to fix anything. The damage is done, and she is gone."

He looked up at me confused.

"What do you mean? Who is gone?"

I shook my head. "No one, I've said too much. Goodbye Quil."

"Please Claire!" He begged me. "Please, please don't go, I can't bare to lose you again.

"Then you should have come after me the first time." I whispered so soft I wasn't sure that I'd said it, no other human would've been ale to hear it, but I knew Quil could.

I turned around and got in my car not sure at the time whether I was going back to Jacob's house, going home, or just…going.

* * *

**(Quil's POV)**

I was getting really pissed off.

Hearing a chorus of the ABC's in all the guys heads, repeated over and over again was really getting on my nerves, even Sam's pack would join in. At the same time it was a hell of a lot better than hearing thirty different nursery rhymes, random songs, and someone (cough cough, Seth) going, _leaf, leaf, pinecone, …squirrel! Leaf, paw,…one paw, two paw, one paw, two paw_.

I knew what was going on, Whenever we would repeat the ABC's or Seth would say random things he saw, it meant we were trying to hide our thoughts from everyone else. A couple guys doing it was normal, but not everyone in both packs except me.

I couldn't help but think they were hiding something from me. I would think it was a surprise birthday party or something, but my birthday was two months ago. hiding

Most of us were at Emily's for dinner after Patrol. We existed in two packs, each pack having their own alpha, but we are all still brothers regardless. Sometimes we worked together to protect the people of La Push, and we would probably do it more often, but there usually wasn't a need for two packs. Jacob and Sam tried not to let their alpha positions get in the way of our "job." Emily loves both packs, and we are not enemies, we are brothers, just as it has always been.

I'd had just finished the pile of food on my plate, and was walking back to the table with a glass of water. I heard a car door slam and someone stomping up the porch stairs. All the guys had fallen silent and were staring at the door with nervous expressions on their face. I got the feel I was missing something, because they kept glancing from the door to me, back and forth, and back and forth. But I couldn't see the door, or who was here. It got crowded when both packs were at Emily's, so there were a bunch of shirtless wolves in the middle of my line of vision.

I was only this curious because all the guys were making a big deal of it. If someone had walked into the door any other time, I wouldn't have even turned around or payed any attention. None of us ever do. We all just walk in like we own the place.

""Where is Quil?" I heard someone yell from across the room. It was female, and it wasn't anyone in the pack. I thought I didn't recognize it, but then again I kind of did. It sounded new, but at the same time oddly familiar. It frustrated me that I couldn't place it.

It wasn't anyone in the pack, and I didn't recognize the voice, but on the other hand I kind of did. It sounded familiar, but new. I couldn't place the female voice.

I felt the _oh so _familiar, and quite annoying tug in my stomach. It was a strong pull, and it got less and less intense the closer this person got. I'd had this pull in my stomach, ever since…Claire was taken away from La Push.

I remembered Sam had said to me after I imprinted on Claire. _"Its like…its not gravity holding you to the earth anymore, its her. You have this pull towards her, and the farther and farther away she gets, the stronger it is. The closer she is, the more it fades away. That's why we can't stand being away from them." _

My eyes got wide and the realization hit. The packs blocking me from their minds, the nervousness they had as they looked from me to the person who was at the door, the strange but familiar voice.

"Damn it, you already knew I was here! Now tell me where the hell Quil Ateara is!"

The voice yelled again. It couldn't be true could it? It couldn't be her. No, of course it couldn't. I was jumping to the wrong conclusion and freaking out about nothing, right? Right?

Unfortunately I wasn't crazy, and my suspicion was proved to be true. The guys moved to the side to let her walk, pointing to me, standing here in the kitchen. I knew in my mind it was her but it hadn't registered with my heart. Nothing could have prepared me for this. Seeing her in person was a lot different than dreaming about her, and thinking about what I'd do and say if I ever saw her again.

I never thought it would affect me like this. My heart stopped, my breathing stopped, my arms fell limp causing my glass of water to fall and hit the floor, breaking into little clear, sharp pieces with water pooled around them. I was frozen, I felt as if my jaw had hit the floor. For all I knew I could be dead, because it seemed like that was the only explanation that made any sense to me. I guess this is what heaven feels like, considering I've already lived my sentence of hell for the past eleven years.

My eyes were locked on her, and I watched her every move. I looked into her eyes and I could see the way she looked at me, what I'd done to her, the pain I'd put her in. However, I didn't expect what she did next though. Her eyes filled with tears. It caused me to feel as though someone was stabbing hundreds of needles into my heart, while at the same time grasping onto either side and playing a game of tug-of-war.

was stabbing hundreds of needles into my heart while someone held it on each side and were pulling it as hard as they could, playing tug-a-war with my heart.

Her arms were vibrating, and she was taking fast, short breaths as if she couldn't breath she looked like she was about to fall, and all I wanted to do was catch her. But before I even got the chance she whipped around, pushing here way through the guys. She ran out the door, slamming it behind her. The noise pulled me back to reality.

"Dude, are you crazy? Go after her." I heard many say in unison as if they'd rehearsed it plenty of times before.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sam stand beside me, and I felt him place a comforting hand on my shoulder, His eyes were full of pity and…love?

" Quil," He said softly, almost a whisper before he sighed. "You lost her, and somehow, someway, she miraculously found you again. You got your second chance, but if you don't go after her this time, she's not going to come back again. Don't make the same mistake you made before."

Sam had barely finished his speech before I'd taken off out the door, trying to catch Claire. I thought she'd be gone by now, and I was confused at first when I saw her car. But then I saw her, sitting on the ground, holding her knees against her chest with her back against the outside of the house. I slowly walked up to her, as if she was a deer that I didn't want to scare off. I towered over her small figure on the ground.

She finally looked up to me, and I opened my mouth to say her name but she shut her eyes.

"Claire." I whispered, but it was more of a question than anything else. It seemed like I'd imagined her before, I'd thought I was crazy when I'd see her, then she'd suddenly vanish when I touched her to see if she was really there. But Sam had told me to go after her right, everyone in Sam's house had seen her, so she had to be real right?

"I-I don't know what to say." I stuttered, knowing that saying I'm sorry wouldn't fix anything, But what _could_ I say to her? After everything I had done?

"That's _exactly_ why I came here. I don't want you to say anything to me, ever again. I don't want you to be around me, you see me coming then go the other way. I don't want you to talk to me, I don't want to see you or hear you, or even the mention of your name. I want to have nothing to do with you ever again Quil Ateara." She was getting angrier by the second, which surprised me, because she'd been crying and about to faint just a minute ago.

The words hit me like those needles in my heart, like a ton of brick, or an elephant stomping on my face. It seemed like this conversation had taken a total 360, and gone completely different than I had expected.

"Claire I thought-" She cut me off with her sharp, cold words, before I had the chance to finish my sentence.

"You thought I came looking for you, you thought I'm here to make things all peachy between us and then we'll live happily ever after? Guess what, you thought wrong. You ruined any chance of us ever being okay or even civil again when you broke your promise." She said, every word colder and harsher than the last.

"Claire I only did it because I wanted to do what's best for you, I never wanted to hurt you." I whispered, sad that my good intentions, and my heartbreak had only hurt us both, but I still believe I had to do what I had to do, I didn't have any other decision.

"What's best for me? How is that what's best for me? I waited every night for you to come back, I left my window open until I was thirteen, still thinking that there could be the slightest chance." She yelled, my heart sunk knowing she didn't just forget about me, and that every night, every minute, every second that I didn't come caused her pain.

"I'm sorry Claire, everyday I try and convince myself that I did what's right, but every day since you left I'm constantly in pain physically and mentally because I hurt you, and I missed you, I never wanted you to go, that was the last thing I wanted but I couldn't be selfish so I had to let you go, it was the right thing to do" I told her truthfully. "You're. Telling _me_. About _your _pain.?" She said slowly, gritting her teeth, pausing after each word for emphasis and exaggeration. Her voice got angrier, and angrier, but was line in pain and hurt. Her hands were clenched, balled up into fists at her side shaking. She kind of reminded me of us werewolves when we were angry and about to phase.

"Its all your fault to begin with! Its your fault all those bad things happened, it your fault they hurt me, its your fault she was taken away from me. Everything is your fault, you're the reason I'm in pain so don't you even dare start to compare your pain to mine," Her voice was shaking, and I could see it was hard for her to talk. Her tears we back, flowing down her checks with a steady pace. Her voice softened, and when she talked it sounded like a child's whisper now. And it hurt me more than when she was yelling at me.

"What about _me_ Quil? Huh? What about _my _pain?"

Those words, so soft and shaky, sweet and innocent, coming from Claire, the little girl this time. The younger version inside herself who was so broken hearted.

Her words effected me so much, that even as hard as I tried to push them back, and swallow them down, I couldn't and for the first time in a long time, my tears weren't all dried up, they slipped down my face as if I'd opened the flood gates or something. Now _I _was crying, and I could see she was trying so hard not to let it effect her, and to try and stay angry with me.

"I'm sorry Claire Bear, I'm so sorry. All I ever wanted was for you to be safe. I'm sorry I never stopped them from taking you, and I'm sorry I never came after you like I promised, and I'm sorry I am the reason for all of your pain. I wish I could take it back, I wish I could take away all your pain and I wish I could make things better."

She shook her head. "You can't Quil," She tried to say angrily but it came out softly like before, like a child. " Its too late. Its too late to fix anything. The damage is done, and she is gone."

I looked up at her completely taken by surprised again and confused. "What do you mean? Who is gone?"

She shook my head again. "No one, I've said too much. It doesn't even matter anymore. Goodbye Quil."

"Please Claire!" I begged me. "Please, please don't go, I can't bare to lose you again.

"Then you should have come after me the first time." She whispered so soft this time, so much softer than the last time that I wasn't sure if I had imagined it or not. I wouldn't have been able to hear it all if it weren't for my sensitive wolf hearing, and I was sure no other normal human could. I also knew that every wolf inside of that house could hear it as well, in fact I was sure that they had heard our whole conversation. It didn't matter, though, because they would end up hearing it in my thoughts the next time I phased.

She turned around and got in her car, and as I watched her drive further and further away, out of my site, I prayed that this wasn't it, I prayed she wasn't gone forever, because I could find her, by her scent, or by Emily or Renesmee, but that wouldn't matter if she didn't want me to.

Her words echoed over and over again in my head as I replayed our conversation a hundred times, but there was only one sentence that I really heard, it was the loudest in my head, and it was the one that hurt me the most. _"Then you should have come after me the first time.", "Then you should have come after me the first time." , "Then you should have come after me the first time." _

I sat down on the front porch so that I wouldn't fall. Her words kept echoing over and over again, piercing my heart every time as I went back to that day, that day that I made the biggest mistake of my life. I'd relived that day over and over again, and all the different possible ways I could of made it turn out different, It was the nightmare that made me afraid to sleep at night…and the reality that made me afraid to wake up every morning, because in my nightmares, it wasn't real, but when I woke up my nightmare became true and I had to face it over and over again, and I felt like I was stuck in a nightmare that I'd never wake up from.

_Then you should have come after me the first time._

Those words would haunt me for the rest of my life.

* * *

**(Claire's POV)**

It was raining again but no sideways lightening, or deafening thunder this time. I was crying, and it wasn't helping me be able to see the road. I'd been driving for a while but I didn't pay attention to the signs, where I was going, or how far I'd gone. I pulled the car over on the side of the gravel road, and turned the car off. I closed my eyes, my arms pushing against the steering wheel, and tried to breathe slowly.

I almost peed in my pants when a knock on the passenger window brought me back to reality. I screamed on of those high pitched, screams that controlled themselves, and even after I saw who it was, I wasn't able to stop screaming for a minute. I unlocked the car and Renesmee climbed in.

"I was on my way to Jacob's, and I saw your car out here on the side of the road, in the rain. What happened? Did your car break down, was it the rain-" She cut herself off when she looked at my face. "Claire, what happened?"

I didn't look at her, instead I looked straight ahead, lost in the rain.

"I saw Quil." I whispered, so softly that only the pack and her could hear me because of their supernatural hearing, or whatever.

She gasped. "Oh. What happened?"

I didn't move, instead was watching the raindrops splash onto the windshield, and tried to follow them with my eyes as they moved. I was quiet, not sure what to say to her, or where to even start.

This was one of those times I was thankful that mythical creatures, and old tribal stories were true, thankful than Renesmee was a vampire and that some vampires had their own special gift. Renesmee has her own power which is incredible within itself, but had also received the gift of in a way…which was having her parents gifts too. Her gift is that when she touches people she can tell people her thoughts, and with her dad power, when she touches people she can chose to read their thoughts, and Her mom's power acts like more of a filter for Nessie than a shield, allowing Nessie to turn her powers on and off.

I gave her my hand and replayed everything in my mind, It was hard enough replaying it in my mind, I don't think I'd actually be able to get the words out of my mouth. She removed her hand, and sat silently, staring straight ahead at the rain, like me. For a long moment it was silent, not knowing what to say to each other, or rather her not knowing what to say to me. I didn't know what time it was because I was too lazy or too afraid to look at the clock, I had no idea how far I'd gone but if Nessie had seen me on her way to Jacob's I obviously hadn't really even gone anywhere.

"So what now?" She asked, finally breaking the silence.

I shrugged, not looking at her. "I don't know, I need time alone to think. I need to figure out my next move, and where I'm going. Going home is out of the question, and I don't think I can stay here, not with Quil. I thought if I never saw him, it might be able to work, but in my mind I knew the plan was impossible. It wasn't fair of me to ask everyone to keep a secret from each other and from Quil, and I knew they wouldn't be able to lie to each other, especially not with wolf telepathy. I knew all of that in my mind, but I refused to believe it in my heart. "

" I guess I'll leave you to think, but please think about this. After everything that's happened to you, you know you don't want to leave here, this is your family, this is who you are, where you're supposed to be. This is where you belong. We all love you, and you might not believe me now, but Quil loves you too, and its just as hard on him as it is you. Please Claire, ask yourself if staying mad at Quil, and pitying yourself, and running away from your problems is going to help anything. Ask yourself if its worth losing the people who love you and care the most about you, all over again. Because I can tell you right now that pain you felt the first time won't compare to how bad it will be the second time. But most of all, is it worth losing Quil again? You were meant to be together, you guys can work it out-"

I held up my hand to stop her rambling and forced a small smile on my face that felt like every bone it my body had to work together to make.

I leaned my head back against the seat. "You've seriously got to work on shortening your speeches, I can hardly stay awake most the time."

I laughed to let her know I was joking, and to make sure I didn't hurt her feelings.

She got out of the car, and stood in the rain. "Please Claire, think about what I said."

I gave her a small nod and she shut the door before disappearing into the rain.

I didn't know what I was going to do, or where I was going. Her words echoed over and over in my head and I had the feeling they wouldn't stop unless I followed her advice.

But even if I could forgive Quil, even if by some miracle we worked everything out and could actually make everything peachy again, it'd all go down the drain if he found out my secret. It would all be for nothing. This was one secret that Quil could never find out.

Never.

But even with that running threw my brain, I knew I didn't want to have to leave my family again after I just found my way back to them. I was torn. My secret is most important, its bigger than anything, and controls my life. If I stayed, I don't know how long I could keep it from everyone.

I sank down in my seat, cursing my screwed up life, and asking god why me. I know, pathetic, pitying myself, but I couldn't help it. I punched the steering wheel, which probably wasn't the best idea on my part but hell, being suffocated by an airbag wouldn't be so bad would it? It'd get rid of all my problems, and all of my pain.

The thought made me think of something Nessie had said.

"_Please Claire, ask yourself if staying mad at Quil, pitying yourself, and running away from your problems is going to help, and if its worth losing the people who love and care the most about you, all over again."_

That was exactly what I'd be doing, running. I'm sick and tired of running because I've been doing that my whole life. My family, meaning my aunt and uncle, the packs, the imprints, and Renesmee, were the only people that loved me in this world, La push is where my family and my home is. Weren't they worth it?

Renesmee's words continued to echo in my head until I fell asleep from all the crying I'd done today, the rhythm of the rain was like a lullaby, and I was out as fast as a lightening bolt. Her words continued to replay in my dreams…

And when I woke up I knew my decision, and what I had to do.

No matter what the consequence

* * *

**Author's note: FINALLY! I'm finished! Glad I'm finally able to get this chapter up. I owe a big that's to my new beta, this story wouldn't be nearly as good with out her help. Please review. -TD**


	4. I Love You Baby Girl

_~ Claire and Quil's Story ~_

**Chapter 4. I Love You, Baby Girl**

**(Quil's POV) **

*Flash Back*

_I'd wished that somehow this day would never come, but it had. Claire was finished saying goodbye to everyone and now it was my turn. Her five year old self waddled over to me before jumping into my arms. _

_She couldn't control her tears and began to sob. They pushed my self control over the edge, and tears of my own rolled down my cheeks as if a rain cloud had burst._

"_Pease Quilly, don't wet dem take me. I want to stay here wif you," she cried._

"_I'm sorry Claire Bear, they'll miss you too much if you don't go. But I want you to know I love you more than anything else in this world, and I will never forget you."_

"_I wuv you too," she bawled._

"_I will find you, wherever you go, and someday I'll bring you back. But when you miss me, you can look at the stars, and know I'll be doing the same." I whispered into her ears._

_Sam had to pry her from my arms, and I didn't take my eyes off of the car until it was out of my sight. Then I dropped to my knees, knowing I'd just lost everything, I'd lost my world, I'd lost everything that made life worth living. _

_But worst of all, I lied to her. It was one of the hardest things I would have to do, but I knew if she was going to survive I had to. I knew that letting her go, and never going after her, never having any contact with her was what would be best. No matter how much it hurt me. Hearing updates, allowing her to talk to Emily would be enough. I had to know she was happy, safe, alive._

_The risk of her not being able to do that, of me not knowing if she was okay, or alive, was unbearable to think about. I couldn't risk that by going after her._

_I had to love her enough to let her go._

_It was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to live without her._

_But I had no choice._

_Goodbye, Claire Bear. _

_I love you._

"_I'm sorry." I choked out between my sobs._

*End of Flashback*

* * *

**(Claire's POV)**

What do you do? What do you do when you have two secrets, two really awful secrets? One has got to be bigger than the other, worse than the other, and more painful than the other. Right?

And anyone who knew about my first secret would probably think I was being dramatic because there wasn't really anything in the world worse than it. Right?

Wrong. My second secret…not even death was more painful than it. In fact, I'm not suicidal or anything but it sure would make things a hell of a lot better.

And I thought that maybe, if there really was a God in this world, if there really was a heaven…Then maybe I'd see her there.

But no, I saw my staying alive as sort of a punishment. For what, I don't exactly know. Everything bad in my life that I'd done? Maybe. But I think I knew the real reason.

It was _my_ fault she died.

And here I was, having to suffer for it by being left here on earth, grieving for her everyday.

It was also Quil's fault, though. In the back of my mind I knew I was looking for someone to blame, someone to take all my anger out on, and he was the perfect person. However, In my heart, though, I was sure he was to blame for everything in a way, because none of it ever would've happened if he hadn't let my parents take me away from La Push.

How do you deal with something that big, that awful.

Me?

I don't.

I try to forget, I try to pretend neither one of my secrets ever happened. I try to push my pain down deep inside of me.

But then I end up scolding myself. How could I do this? How could I try and forget her. It wasn't fair. She deserved to be remembered every second of everyday. I deserved pain because I'd let her down before she even got the chance to experience how beautiful life is.

On one hand, I don't pay attention to small stupid stuff anymore. Like clothes and what was on TV last night, and boys. I felt centuries older than all girls my age who were gossiping to their girlfriends, makings goo-goo eyes at the boys, and using "like" after every word. I just didn't have anything in common with them anymore because what I experienced was real, it made me grow up too fast.

And it was a hell of a lot more serious than not having a new skirt, losing my lip gloss, and being so freaking dramatic about everything.

But on the other hand, I noticed things I had never noticed before. Things like how beautiful the world was if you just took a second to take it in. How incredibly amazing some things actually are when you take a second look.

My phone buzzed beside me. _Saved by the bell._

I was glad it rang because I needed a distraction. Any longer and I would've started bawling my eyes out.

I looked at the caller ID said: _Coralee._

"Hey."

"Hey! You know it only takes like two seconds to call your sister, right? God I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever. How's La Push," Her excited tone quickly turned soft. "Or better yet, how are _you_ Claire?"

"Hanging in there, I guess. It's so hard though, to pretend I'm happy when inside I'm just…dying." I told her.

"I'm sorry. It'll get better though. How is it, seeing everyone again?"

_It'll get better, give it time, I'm sorry. _How many times have I heard that? It was all a load of bull. They just don't know anything else to say to me.

Even then, the words that really got under my skin and made me want to scream at people were things like: I know how you feel, or I know it's tough right now,…I know, I know, I know.

Like _hell_ they know. They don't know a damn thing about what I'm going through!

"How is Chloe?" I whispered.

"Chloe is great, beautiful, getting bigger every day." She told me excitingly.

Chloe is my sister's new baby. She was born right before I left for La Push.

She was born on the same day everything went so tragically wrong. Some people say it was a sign or something, that she lives on in Chloe.

Bullshit.

"Mom and dad miss you. We all do." She said, apologetically. I knew she was trying to move from the subject of Chloe.

"Tell them I miss them too." I told her half heartedly.

"Claire!" I heard someone yelling from the other room.

"Um, Coralee? I have to go. I'll call you tonight."

"What-wait…ugh okay."

The line cut off.

Renesmee burst into Jacob's room, and belly flopped onto his bed, the biggest smile spread across her face.

"You're staying?"

I gave a half smile and nodded. She was on top of me with her arms thrown around me before I could blink.

I noticed Jacob leaning against the door frame, smiling.

"I promise I'll get it out your space and find somewhere to live." I told him, quickly.

He shook his head. "No, you can stay here. We like having you here, and I know Ness does."

I smiled and nodded my head.

"Thanks."

Nessie sat up and crossed her legs, her eyes gleaming and her smile just as bright.

"So, we're all having dinner at Emily's tonight. You _have_ to come. Everyone wants to see you, and introduce you to the imprints and the new guys. Please come!"

"Okay, fine," I told her unconvincingly, knowing that if I didn't go, I'd never hear the end of it.

She and Jacob left, but not before reminding me she'd be back to help me get ready for dinner tonight. I mentally cringed.

Later that day, Renesmee had come over like she promised. I wore the dress she gave me but refused to let her do anything else. The dress was blue, and white, floral print. It was soft and flowy, and not dressy, but still nice. It was the length of my whole body and didn't stop till it touched the ground at the bottom. The strap was thick, blue, and braided out of soft material. I only gave her the satisfaction of wearing it because it was casual enough that I could wear it any day.

I told her I wasn't ready to go yet and that I'd meet her and Jacob at Emily's house in a little while.

Jacob said they'd save me a plate because all the food might be gone by the time I got there, which I knew was probably true. Even writing your name on your food didn't stop them from eating it.

After they left I grabbed my keys and got in my car.

When I got to the beach, I sat down in the sand. My hair was softly blowing in the breeze along with my dress, and I could feel the refreshing mist from the ocean sprinkle me in the face.

The sun was setting, and the blend of colors in the sky were one of a kind, beautiful, and I doubted I'd ever see anything like it again.

I reached up to my neck, wrapping my fingers around the heart pendant.

It was a silver locket, and open with swirls and words in the middle.

_Always in my heart. _

On the inside rested a small pink heart. Cold and hard, but beautiful just the same.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I stood up, brushing the sand off the back of my dress. It took all the strength in my body to keep them from pouring over because I knew if I did, they'd ruin my make up, and Nessie would kill me.

I let the necklace fall to where it hung over my heart. I blew a kiss into the air and managed to choke out only five words, that were barely above a whisper.

"I love you baby girl."

"Baby girl?" A deep voice suddenly asked from beside me.

I shut my eyes, afraid to find out who it was.

Please don't be Quil!

* * *

**Okay sorry for the short chapter but hopefully it revealed some things you were waiting for, and helped answer some of your questions. Thanks again to my beta, she's great, and my story wouldn't be any good without her. Please reviews, and leave me your thoughts on the chapter.**

**Already starting on chapter five. Is it Quil? Will they find out her secret? **

**~ Tiny Dancer.**


	5. Secrets and Hope

_~ Claire and Quil's Story ~_

**Chapter 5. Secrets and Hope**

It wasn't Quil…

I let out a sigh of relief and ran my fingers through my hair. I wasn't really out of the woods yet though, so my moment of relief was short-lived.

Paul.

Shit…

On one hand I was glad it wasn't Quil, but on the other, a part of me kind of hoped it was.

I slowly turned on my heel, my face a reflection of worry, "Oh, uh, hey."

He didn't say anything, and for a moment we just stared at each other in silence.

"Um, how long have you been standing there?" I asked awkwardly, trying to change the subject a bit.

He shrugged, but his face stayed plastered in the same "poker face" expression. "Long enough. You didn't answer my question."

His words were sharp, he said them slow, pronouncing every letter, and he said them hard, like he wasn't going to move until I told him what he wanted to hear.

I raised my eyebrows, challenging him. "You didn't ask a question."

He glared at me. "Who were you talking about?"

I feigned confusion. "I wasn't talking to or about anyone. What are you talking about?"

He sighed angrily crossing his arms, "Who is 'baby girl'?"

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Claire," He said harshly through clenched teeth. "Stop fucking acting dumb, and tell me who the hell you were talking about."

I wiped a few runaway tears from my cheeks, and stared straight again at the ocean. "No one, doesn't matter."

"Don't give me that shit."

I turned to him, angry now, putting my hands on my hips. "Why do you even care?"

"Because you are Claire. You're Quil's imprint, and I believe it or not, I care about everyone in the pack, but you most of all."

I scoffed. "You're right, I don't believe you."

"Well I do care about you Claire. You can tell me, I promise I'm not like the others, I won't say anything, I'll just listen. And if you don't want me to, I won't tell Quil," He promise.

It was strange, like Paul wasn't being himself.

I stared back at the ocean, not able to look at him. I cursed the tears that already started to trickle down my face before I opened my mouth.

I sat down in the sand, pulling my knees towards my chest, and draping my arms on top of them. "I can't tell you."

Out of the corner of my eye I could see him sit down next to me, but I quickly turned my blurry gaze back to the water.

"Yes you can," He said.

I shook my head, "I can't ask you to keep another secret for me, and I sure as hell can't ask you to keep one like _this_!"

"Its okay, I'm good at blocking them from the others."

"He promised." I whispered.

But Paul kept quiet, just listened, like he said he would.

"He promised he'd come get me, and he didn't!" I almost yelled.

This time I spoke very soft, even quieter than before, so low that only Paul could hear, "It's all his fault."

Paul and I both kept our eyes on the ocean, even though I couldn't see it in the dark, and I won't have been able to anyways before of the water in my eyes clouding my vision.

"My dad and mom never got along after that, they slept in different rooms and barely said more than a civil hello to each other everyday. My mom started drinking…"

I swallowed through the lump in my throat.

It was hard to speak, it came out roughly through my crying and I could barely hear myself.

"When I was six, my mom went to a bar, and drug me along, already so drunk she didn't realize the danger she was putting me in."

I sucked in a deep breath, trying to talk but the needle prickling inside my lungs made it almost impossible.

"I couldn't find her. I wanted to go home. I kept asking if someone could tell me where my mommy was, if they could take me home. There were legs everywhere, I stared at them because I was too scared to look at the faces they belonged to. I was only six, I didn't realize I'd met this man before. He said he'd take me home to my daddy after he showed me his doggies. He took my hand…"

I shook my head sniffling, and looked at Paul.

"She wasn't even sober enough to realize someone had taken me."

I just sat there and cried for a moment till I was able to stop.

I could feel Paul's eyes burning into me now. But I didn't think I could handle seeing the look on his face so I continued.

"He said we were going to make another movie. Like last time…"

I sobbed into my hands.

"He raped you," Paul stated, but not really as a question, because we both knew the answer already. I could tell he was starting to shake a little.

I wiped my checks, and cleared my throat.

"Anyways, I got older, and I never told anyone. When I was fourteen, I fell in love. Connor was my boyfriend for two years…then I got pregnant. I wanted to give the baby up for adoption, and Connor didn't. He got really angry with me but ended up signing away his rights anyways. I had the perfect family for her, she was going to be happy, and live a good life, one I never got to have, she was going to be loved and taken care of."

I smiled up at the stars before wiping away a few tears and looking at Paul. "She's was beautiful Paul, so, so beautiful. She had my blue eyes, they were so pretty. I knew as soon as I saw her she was mine, she was my baby girl, and I could never let her go, I could never give her up. I would never let anything happen to her. I also knew I couldn't sign away my rights and give her to that couple."

I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes, my smile started to fade.

"I was going to come live with Sam and Emily, and Emily was going to help me take care of her. She'd already offered, and said the offer was always open. But then…"

I wrapped my hand tightly around my locket as if it was the only thing keeping me from completely falling apart.

"They said something was wrong with her, and took her away. I didn't understand because a minute ago she'd been beautiful and perfect and everything was fine. It was like this horrible nightmare and everything was spinning out of control so fast."

I took me a moment before I was able to speak again.

"Then the nurse came back in, and I couldn't understand why my beautiful baby wasn't with her. Her face was distraught, and it started to hit me before the words even came out of her mouth. She had no reason, no explanation, no answers. The only thing she could say was 'I'm sorry, but your baby died' and 'There was nothing else we could do'."

I'd reached my breaking point and fell into Paul's arms, sobbing.

"I'm sorry," Was all anyone could ever say…And it didn't mean a damn thing to me.

"You have to tell him," Paul said, after a while.

I shook my head. "I can't."

There was a long silence again.

I pulled out of Paul's embrace, and wiped my tears.

"It should've been him, it should've been him. It was all his fault!"

I blamed Sam too. He could've done a hell of a lot more, he could've saved me, he could've saved me from everything that happened. They both could have. And I will never stop blaming them for what happened.

* * *

Paul and I decided to still go to Emily's. After all that crying I was starving, and well, Paul is always hungry. Plus I knew Renesmee would kill me if I didn't go.

I ignored Quil, stayed on the opposite side of the room from him, never looked at him more than once or twice, just to see where he was.

"So, Claire, since technically Emily and I are still your guardians we've decided it would be best if we enrolled you in La Push high school with everyone else." Sam tried to say casually at the table.

Wrong time. Wrong words. Wrong person that said them.

I shoved my seat back from the table and stood up, more pissed off than I probably have ever been in my life.

"What the hell gives you the right to do that? You don't give a fuck about me and you damn sure don't know what's best for me. Since when in the world have I ever taken you interest, when did you start suddenly caring about me and what I need, and whats best for me?" I screamed.

He calmly and slowly stood up from the table. "Claire that is enough. You need to control yourself and sit back down. There was no need for this little dramatic outburst of yours. I love you, I've always loved you and I've always cared about you and what's best for you."

I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrows, still screaming.

"Oh really. I suppose it was out of your love and care that you let those people take me away from here, that you let that women who is only ever been a mother to me on my birth certificate, beat me when she was drunk, leave me alone by myself, make me find my way to school, and tell me I didn't deserve food, that is I wanted any I should go out, make the money for it, and get it myself."

I was just getting started. I was done with all these secrets. I was done with hiding, and keeping all my anger in. I was going to tell Sam and Quil how I felt, what they did, I was going to tell them everything I said to Paul, and I was going to do it in front of the whole wolf pack, and all their imprints.

I was going to tell them how everything was their fault, how much pain they caused me and how that, in my mind, they basically killed my daughter.

Hope.

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**Hope you liked this chapter, sorry I haven't updated in a while, trying to get in my last few weeks of summer vacation. Quil finds out everything in the next chapter, so be sure to keep an eye out for that, hopefully I'll have it up ****by Monday at the latest. Oh yeah! DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! Love you guys!**

**~TinyDancer**


	6. The Truth Is Out Of The Bag

_~ Claire and Quil's Story ~_

**Disclaimer**: Gosh, don't rub it in my face! I do not own Twilight, or its characters, unfortunately Stephanie Meyer does.

**Remember in the New Moon book, after Paul and Jake phase in front of Bella? And Embry of one of them says "The wolf is out of the bag,"? Haha well Now you understand the title for this chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter 6. The Truth is out of the Bag...most of it **

I named her Hope, because that is what she'd given me. For the two minutes she was in my arms, she'd given me hope. She gave me a reason to live.

"Claire, none of us could have known that, if you-"

"True, but it would've never happened in the first place, none of it, if you had come and got me like you promised!" I screamed.

Every single pair of eyes in the room was focused on me and my outburst. A lot of their faces mirrored shock, some confusion, some pity, and some angry.

Worst of all though, Emily started crying. She already knew everything that happened, she'd just never heard me say how I really felt about it.

"Dammit Claire! Why don't you just tell me how you feel, why don't you just rip it off, and get it over with instead of taking it out on everyone. What could I have possibly done to make you this mad, because if its only about not coming to get you, than your being absurd, completely ridiculous and overdramatic," Quil shot back at me, standing up.

I felt like I was going to explode from the inside out.

"Fine Quil! Let me just get it the hell over with so you can go back to your perfect fairy tale life!" I screamed, my fists shaking with rage, my teeth clenched, and tears raining from my eyes because I could no longer hold them back.

"You want to know why I'm so mad at you?" I paused between words, I knew what I wanted to say but I just couldn't get them out right because of the lump in my throat.

"YES! For God's sakes that's all I've been asking!" He screamed, the vein in his temple looked like it was about to pop.

My voice was softer this time when I spoke. I plopped back down in my seat at the table, in defeat, resting my face in my hands.

I could barely understand what I was saying because it was so hard to get the words out, I was crying, and whatever was coming out of my mouth was muffled by my hands.

I shook my head back and forth slowly.

"I thought I was your imprint, I thought you loved me?"

I took my face out of my hands and looked at Quil. He was standing up, just staring at me with a blank face.

I felt Paul pat my shoulder, "Tell him."

I focused my gaze at the rain falling outside the clear, glass sliding doors behind Quil and everyone sitting in front of me. That way I had a better chance of getting out what I wanted to say without sobbing or getting worked up again.

I could feel everyone's eyes on me, especially Quil's because he was in front of me, frozen, his eyes boring into me, waiting for me to speak. I could feel Emily's soft hands on my shoulders, trying to comfort me, but I don't see the point in even trying.

Nothing can fix what's already been done.

I ignored all of it, I had to do this, I had to get it out and over with. I had to be strong.

"Tell him what?" Sam asked, not as harsh this time.

But nobody answered him.

I took a few shaky breaths, and pulled my knees tighter to my chest, continuing to stare off into the distance at the rain.

"After we left La Push when I was little, mom fell into a depression, she began drinking and she wasn't herself anymore. When I was three they divorced, and mom ended up with me."

I paused for a minute.

"She only got worse. She forgot about me a lot, some days the only time I got food was at school, I was only four and when ever I spilled milk on the table, left shoes on the floor, didn't know how to do something, or do everything exactly how she wanted. She'd hit me. When I got older, around ten, things got so bad she even put me in the hospital a couple of times."

"Claire," Paul said accusingly. "You have to tell him."

I sighed, looking at everyone once before looking back out at the rain. Quil was the only one still standing. Some were sitting on the floor against the counter since Emily only had so many chairs.

There wouldn't be a chance in hell I could say this if I was looking into Quil or Sam's face.

I stuttered at first, afraid.

It was weird, like I was telling one of those stories at a bonfire or something. I didn't want everyone to know, I didn't want to say it in front of everyone just for their entertainment.

Apparently they figured out what I was thinking. Emily made Sam make the younger, and newest members of the pack leave to patrol, and some of the guys that imprinted were forced to give us privacy by their imprints, and they can't deny them anything.

It was mostly just the original pack now, the ones I was close with, but it still didn't change the way I felt. It wasn't any of their business. But I knew they loved me, well most of them, and they'd all find out anyway.

My voice was soft and shaky.

"I was five. Mom always took me to the bar with her, but usually she kept me with her. This time I couldn't find her. People were stepping on me and stumbling over me. I asked them if they'd seen my mommy, if they could take me to her, but they ignored me."

I closed my eyes, I was shaking bad.

"H-his name was Walter. He held my hand, and told me he would take me home. But he didn't."

I dared to open my eyes and look at Quil.

He was frozen anymore. He was looking into my eyes, holding onto my every last word. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fist, shaking like I was.

"What. Did. He. Do." Quil asked.

I bravely looked straight into his eyes.

"He _raped_ me Quil…for the _second_ time."

All the sudden he crashed through the glass door.

Then one bye one the guys in the pack that are closest to me left too. Upset that some hurt me like that.

After like five minutes I decided it was pointless, he could see everything in Paul's thoughts, and I needed to get the hell out of here, as far away as possible.

This was stupid. What in the world was I thinking.

The only probably with getting away from here, was that my daughter was being buried here, and I had to be there for her.

I was half way out the door when some put their hand on my shoulder to stop me. I turned around and saw Quil leaning against the doorframe. He looked like hell.

He looked sad.

"Please finish telling me," He whispered.

Something in his voice made me want to tell him.

I nodded outside, and he followed me. We sat on the porch stairs.

"Okay, lets see. When I was ten my mom put me in the hospital for the third time. My dad knew he had to get me out of there and had been working on it for a while. And he got custody of me. Things got a lot better after that. I loved living with my dad, he took care of me. He still does."

"But?" Quil wondered.

"But…when I was in ninth grade I got in a serious relationship, we really loved each other. Last year, when I was sixteen, we…you know, and I found out I was pregnant after only one time. I almost got an abortion but I couldn't do it. My dad was awesome, and supportive, and everything was actually going to be okay."

I looked in Quil's eyes, tears running down my face, and smiled. "I had my baby two months ago. It was a girl."

I shook my head, smiling up at then sky, "God, she was beautiful, _so_ beautiful."

I looked back at Quil.

"What was her name?" He asked softly.

"Hope. They put her in my arms and I knew everything would be okay, she gave me hope. I wanted to give her everything I didn't have. I'd try to give her everything she wanted, and treat her like a princess. Never let anything or anyone hurt her."

He asked the question I dreaded, "So where is she?"

"I broke my promise to her. I couldn't protect her for more than two minutes."

I sighed.

"They said she was perfect, and healthy, and were just going to do tests. And when the nurse came back, she didn't have Hope with her. I asked her where my baby was, and all she could say was she was sorry, they didn't know what happened, what went wrong, but my baby was dead."

Quil didn't speak, so I looked over at him shocked to see him crying.

"After she died, her father and I drifted apart. I came here for this, for answers, because of you and the pack. But most of all because she's being buried here next week. I've always loved La Push, I have a load of family full of love, and I wanted her here, in a happy place. My dad is coming next week for the funeral."

"I'm sorry Claire, I'm so sorry."

And suddenly, in that moment, I no longer was mad at him. He was truly sorry.

"I do love you Claire, more than anything else in the world. I'm so sorry I didn't protect you like I was supposed to. It's my fault your baby died, and you were…hurt."

"Yep, it is."

But I smiled and leaned my head against his shoulder.

For that moment I forgot about everything. I didn't forgive him yet, but there was plenty of time to talk about it later. I just wanted to enjoy the moment, the silence.

I was peaceful, and content as we watched the rain, for the first time since Hope died.

That counts for something, right?

Things would get better soon. I could feel it.

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**So Quil and Sam know now. Are you happy now? Review!**

**The next chapter:**

-Everyone goes to Hopes funeral

-Claire needs Quil

-The truth about what happened to Hope


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